Some days I have so much to say, and other days I literally have no words. This picture is my whole heart. Those boys have completely changed my life and being their mama is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Having to keep living after the loss of your baby is the most horrific feeling.. Having to get up every morning and realize all over again that this is your life is a stabbing pain that is unexplainable. Every missed milestone, missed “my love you” and “I miss Kade” from the boys shatters my heart all over again.

After we lost Kade I told myself I wouldn’t give up on life. I would keep living not only for Ty, Hayden and Kamden but to honor Kade. I know he wouldn’t want me to miss moments that I can’t get back. Everyday that I get through I am one day closer to seeing him again. That’s something I tell myself over and over again.

259 days without our boy has hurt so freaking bad, but everyday my faith grows a little more. I am growing more each day. The Bible says:

“Because you have so little faith. Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, ‘Move from here to there,’ and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you.” Matthew 17:20

That verse is so big to me. I prayed in the hospital over Kade for a miracle, so many prayed that prayer for him.. But I know now that he was the miracle, he changed so many lives. He changed mine forever, he brought me closer to Jesus and saved 5 lives through his organ donation. I prayed for peace and understanding and that was given to me. I will choose to be thankful every day for the time that I had with him until I see him again.

So tonight I will leave you with this.. Your faith CAN move mountains. There is no other explanation of how I have survived these 259 other than Jesus. Lean on him. Cry out to him. Have faith in him. I am living proof that he is right beside us in every moment of our lives. He never stops working.